Peace and serenity are wonderful commodities: they are the ideal, and they are by far what most of us prefer. What we experience, however, are conflicts. How should these be handled?
The Lord anticipated that problems would arise among His people. In the Old Testament, for example, there were so many difficulties (Ex. 18:19) that it was necessary for Moses to judge matters between the Israelites from morning until evening (Ex. 18:13).
The Corinthians mishandled their complaints, and some members of the body of Christ took their brethren to law–before unbelievers, at that (1 Cor. 6:1-8). A few other indications of disharmony are indicated in the book of Philippians. Paul exhorts the brethren to “stand fast in one spirit” (1:27) and to be “of one accord, of one mind” (2:2). Later, he singles out two ladies, Euodia and Syntyche, “to be of the same mind” (4:2). Paul charges brethren in Ephesus to endeavor “to keep the unity of the spirit in the bond of peace” (Eph. 4:3). If internal unity among brethren were automatic, there would be no need for all these admonitions. Harmony does not just happen; it must be sought.
How, then, should conflicts be handled? Jesus specified what to do in Matthew 18:15. “Moreover, if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother.” [Notice that this is a personal matter between two brothers, not a rationale for dealing with false teachers, authors, or college presidents.]
Many situations will be resolved at this point, if both parties are sincere and genuinely concerned about taking care of the matter. Of course, if the offending party persists, one or two more brethren are to discuss it, and finally the church must be informed and fellowship withdrawn from the stubbornly impenitent one.
But what happens when this divine process breaks down? What if, as in the case of Marian Guinn, aperson refuses to talk to the elders or anyone else, and then files a lawsuit for harassment? Or what happens if a person confesses sin before the church for appearance’s sake but never brings forth fruit worthy of repentance (Matt. 3:8; Acts 26:20)? Or what happens if the individual leaves, attends another congregation, and misrepresents those he/she has left behind?
When the process the Lord authorized breaks down due to the impenitence of the person who has caused the problem, that itself reveals the insincerity of the individual who assumes such a rebellious posture. The congregation should withdraw fellowship from such a person.
No one should be allowed to repent verbally when no effort has been or will be made to correct the problem. Some have repented of fornication–after each illegitimate birth. Obviously, something did not change. Others have said things such as, “I repented; so I don’t have to talk to you.” How could an attitude be any more unspiritual than that? Who dares to play the hypocrite before God and the church by pretending to repent in order to “resolve” a problem? For shame.
And what of those who leave one congregation for another, in which they feel free to spread rumors and untruths? How can such matters be handled, especially when those listening to suchmisrepresentations have such itching ears? Some of these insults may be against individuals, or they may be against the church as a whole.
Handling Personal AttacksCertain responses should be ruled out, such as smacking them “up side of the head.” Sure, it would feel good for the moment, but it’s not the Lord’s way. (Besides, if they have never developed a conscience or integrity in all the years they’ve been studying the Bible and listening to sermons, it probably can’t be beaten into them, either.) If Paul had personal enemies in the first century (and he did), chances are we are going to have a difficult time escaping false brethren, too (2 Cor. 11:26).
1. Be willing to discuss a problem with someone who is genuinely concerned about it, but the basis for the discussion must reside in objectivity. Nothing will be accomplished if all that is going to occur is an exchange of allegations and denials of private conversations which no one witnessed. “By the mouth of two or three witnesses every word shall be established” (Deut. 19:15, 2 Cor. 13:1).
2. Let someone arbitrate in a dispute. Both parties should select a neutral group of people to hear both sides and make suggestions. Paul says there ought to be at least one wise man among us to judge between brethren (1 Cor. 6:5).
3. But what if all these techniques fail? What if some do not want a resolution? What if they really enjoy reveling in hit-and-run character assassination?
“When somebody has been so unkind to you, some word spoken that pierces you through and through, think how He was beguiled, spat upon, and reviled. Let the beauty of Jesus be seen in you.” As English poet George Herbert wrote: “Living well is the best revenge.” In other words, keep being a faithful Christian, work for the Master, and forget those who have nothing better to do than carp,complain, criticize, and accuse falsely Another’s servant (or church).
If we devote ourselves to going on to perfection, people will come to doubt those whose favorite pastime is “badmouthing.” If the congregation busies itself in evangelism, edification, and benevolence, the inaccurate and false representations of others will eventually fall on deaf ears. We cannot allow others to disturb and distract us from doing and being what pleases our Lord.
4. Realize that those who engage in the negative behavior of attacking others have fallen prey to Satan’s influence. Wise brethren are not ignorant of the devil’s devices (2 Cor. 2:11). Pray that they see the errors of their ways, and repent. (Remember Matt. 5:38-48 and Rom. 12:17-21.)
Of course, murmurers and complainers would be out of business in a week were it not for the fact that too many people delight in hearing what they have to say. All of us need to turn away our ears from “hearsay.” If a brother has some objective evidence to present against another brother, fine. Present it. Otherwise, keep silence. The body of Christ does not need to “bite and devour one another” (Gal. 5:15).
We should be careful not to be foolish enough to hear only one side of a story. “He’s my friend, my child, my neighbor. That’s good enough for me.” Since when do personal attachments take the place of evidence? Friends, children, and neighbors have been known to lie or be mistaken. As Solomon wrote: “He who answers a matter before he hears it, It is folly and shame to him” (Pr. 18:13).