The magazine, Time, for November, 29, 2010, asks the question on its front cover: “Who Needs Marriage?” To find the article’s page number, one looks at the index on page 5; however the title now appears to be: “Why Marriage Endures.” But wait! When the reader turns to page 48, the two-page heading is: “Marriage: What’s It Good For?” Anyone wanting to quote any of the material from this article will have a wonderful time figuring out its title. At least it only has one author—Belinda Luscombe. The data used throughout pages 48-56 are from a Time/Pew research report, and it covers several aspects of marriage and divorce.
Marriage
In 1860, just under 70% of all adults were married. Among the 30% of those who were single, some had never been married, some were divorced or separated, and some had mates who had died. Today, 50 years later, only 52 % of all adults are married (the statistics are actually from 2008). According to the chart on page 54, the amount of those never married has grown from around 14% to 27%. The widowed category has shrunk from 9% to 7%, and those divorced or separated have increased from 5% to 14%.
Why are there fewer who have never been married? As the article suggests: “Neither men nor women need to be married to have sex or companionship or professional success or respect or even children…” (49). Of course, with a wide variety of birth control techniques, as well as the legalization of abortion since 1973, one of the chief fears of unauthorized sexual relations has been minimized. Furthermore, in all those decades, Hollywood and television have glorified sex apart from marriage—as if there were no consequences at all to letting one’s libido run wild. The article does not mention that fewer might be getting married because of the rise in homosexuality (hyped by the same media), but this certainly could be a contributing factor.
The article reflects the thinking of human beings—not the thinking of God, Who designed marriage in the first place as the only proper place for a sexual relationship to occur (Heb. 13:4). He even gave instructions for a husband and a wife not to defraud one another (1 Cor. 7:1-5) lest they face temptation.
Is Marriage Obsolete?
The above question was asked to those who participated in the poll. The average for all the different types of groups was that 39% believe it is, which is higher than the 28% who said so in 1978 (51). Broken down by categories, only 27% of those with a college education voted for obsolescence, while 45% of high school graduates did. Only 31% of married couples thought marriage was passé, but 62% of couples living with a partner drew that conclusion, which is hardly surprising.
The statistic that looks most dangerous here is that more women than men (41% to 36%) think that marriage is headed for extermination. Apparently, the feminists have been successful in convincing women that God and the Bible are wrong, after all. Without marriage, women have much less protection under the law. It would be difficult to estimate how many women that preachers have counseled with who have no alimony, no settlement, and often a child to support. Some of these are from living together, where they entered into an “arrangement” with no safeguards for them. Others agreed to a no-fault divorce and received essentially nothing. Why women would agree to such arrangements is anyone’s guess. Unscrupulous men walk away with no financial responsibilities and are free to move on their next female victim. What reason could a female have to participate in such a devastating arrangement? “Oh, but he looooooves me.” Right! Yet even in the face of these experiences, more women than men say marriage is obsolete. Hello! The Scriptures and common sense are knocking.
Fornication
Dr. Laura calls it “shackin’ up”; the Bible calls it fornication. Tragically, it has become popular. Call it “friends with benefits,” “playing house,” “living together,” or invent some new terminology, but to God it is sin. The majority of adults have not cohabited with someone apart from marriage, but of those surveyed, a disturbing 44% had (51).
Not too long ago statistics were published that showed a dramatic increase in the percentage of couples living together. Just from 1990 to 2000 there was a 70% increase. But this most recent survey found a 13% increase from last year to this year (52). One reason cited as a contributing factor was the bad economy, which, of course, is no excuse for immorality, but the other reason is “these days less than half the country thinks living together is a bad idea” (52).
That would be the half of the country that rejects what the Bible teaches on the subject. Anyone who has read much of the Bible knows that sex outside of marriage is termed fornication. If anyone is unaware of what that word means, a dictionary will furnish a definition, such as: “Sexual intercourse between a man and a woman not married to each other.” The Greek word has an even broader definition that would include homosexuality. That this practice constitutes sin can hardly go unnoticed by anyone reading the Scriptures. Fornication is listed among several other sins in Galatians 5:19-21. Those who commit this sin (fornicators) are listed among those who are unrighteous, who will not inherit the kingdom of God (1 Cor. 6:9-11), and if these are not enough, there is always Hebrews 13:4: “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.”
A person would need extraordinary help to misread or misunderstand this verse. So while “living together” may be accepted by most people as “not a bad idea,” God counts it as a sin which, if not repented of, will cause a person to be lost. Of course, if most people prefer not to accept the Biblical doctrine of hell, then why would they be concerned about this or any sin which would allegedly send them there? If the Bible is true (and it is—see www.MiraculousBible.org), then certain actions offend a holy God, which will cause Him to separate them from Him forever. What the majority of people think is not a safe index since Jesus said the majority of people were on the broad way that leads to destruction (Matt. 7:13-14). Also, the majority of people were clearly outside the ark (in the worldwide Flood) and drowned!
Furthermore, fornication (whether casual or as a live-in arrangement) is not without its share of earthly problems. Besides the risk of pregnancy and STDs, “a 2006 report by the journal Demography found that one-half of all cohabiting unions collapse within a year, and 90 percent within five years.” This information is from the Internet article, “5 Myths About Cohabitation,” by Sharon Hodde Miller. The myth being discussed was that cohabitation is a stepping stone to marriage.
The second myth exploded in the article was: “Cohabitation reduces the risk of divorce.” The Time article seems to suggest that living together first makes no difference, but articles that have appeared over a period of years have all found that the divorce rate of those who have lived together first is 25% or higher than those who had not. Sharon cites “a study conducted by psychologist Scott Stanley at the University of Denver,” who “found that couples who cohabitate are twice as likely to get divorced as those who do not.”
It is not difficult to figure out why cohabitation does not work all that well. It is not God’s arrangement, and it denigrates marriage. If neither “men nor women need to be married to have sex” (49), then why should a man or a woman be faithful during the cohabitation arrangement? After all, they are not actually married, and they have already despised God’s plan by demonstrating that they think they know better than the Creator about intimacy. And if the couple does eventually marry, what motive do they have to then be faithful? They did not respect sex within the marriage bond before; why do so now?
Divorce
In light of the above information, it is probably no surprise that the divorce rate is lower today than in 1978 (49). With fewer people getting married, there will naturally be fewer divorces. Since trial marriages involve no commitment or legal requirements, couples just walk away from them at will. The callous attitude that many have against marriage today, expressed in living together arrangements, was first expressed by the obtaining of unauthorized divorces.
The Time article does not spend as much time on the subject of divorce, since the rates have “plateaued” (54). But they do point out that divorces today are more common among the less educated than college graduates. The reader wonders what he is supposed to do with this bit of information: “…a child living together with unmarried parents in Sweden has a lower chance that his family will disrupt than does a child living with married parents in the US” (54). The notion seems to be that Sweden has learned to achieve stability while couples live in fornication. Is that a good thing? The indictment seems to be that marriages in this country are still not very stable.
The reason is that even those claiming to follow Christ do not abide by the Lord’s teachings concerning divorce. Years ago most religious denominations gave up observing the Bible’s teaching on this subject. They began to accept divorce for any cause—especially if the unscripturally married again folks were generous givers. Then certain brethren came along and tried to destroy the teaching of Matthew 19:3-9 by doing what false teachers do best—mutilating definitions that once were obvious to all. The fact still remains that a person who divorces his mate for reasons other than adultery and marries another lacks the authority of Christ to do so and is living in adultery.
The Children
Many of the reasons for the statistics already presented are couched in selfishness, although the Time article does not explore that consideration. Those who commit fornication outside of marriage do so because they are selfish, desiring to have what is forbidden until marriage. Those who divorce also frequently do so for selfish reasons; rather than honor their vows and make their marriages work, they find it easier to give up and try to enter into another relationship. So it should be no surprise that children are often the last consideration when “adults” make their plans.
“Yet very few people say children are the most important reason to get hitched. Indeed, 41% of babies were born to unmarried moms,” which is eight times the amount it was 50 years ago (52). Of course, if a child is conceived out of wedlock by two individuals who do not love each other, then marrying might only compound the problem, but many of these couples are cohabiting at the time. Most of the unwed mothers believed there was a 50% chance or more that marriage would follow, but weddings followed only 16% of the time, and the majority of couples eventually quit living in fornication (52).
Another unsettling statistic is that “21% of American children will see at least two live-in partners of their mothers by the time they’re 15, and an additional 8% will see three or more” (52). What kind of stability do such actions provide for youngsters? What will their attitudes be toward marriage when they mature? A few will no doubt resolve to provide a stable marriage and home environment when they reach adulthood, but how many will follow the pattern that they have observed in their own “home”?
Oddly enough, those surveyed did not think that current trends are good for society. In fact, 43% said that unmarried couples raising children was bad for society; only 10% said that it was good (53). Uh, did the remaining 37% have no opinion? An overwhelming 69% declared that single women having more children was bad for society, and only 4% thought it was good. Interestingly, 43% also thought it was bad for society for homosexual couples to raise children; 12% thought it was good. The same 43% thought it would be bad for society for more couples to live together without marriage (9% saying it would be good).
These statistics are good as far as they go, but with so many not responding, one must assume that they do not care or know one way or the other. Also, these statistics may show that people have better ideals than they have practices. People often have noble intentions but then allow themselves to be persuaded to be part of a situation they really do not wholeheartedly support. Those who reach adulthood should know certain things—that God placed the pleasures of sex within marriage, that fornication is sin, that adultery is sin, that divorce (except for fornication) is sin, that pregnancy outside of marriage is sin.
The Loss of Influence
In the first century, as Jesus entered into the world, divorce was common. So were the practices of fornication, adultery, and homosexuality. Even among God’s people, His laws on marriage were not respected. Some thought that a man could divorce his wife for any cause. In other words, it was about the same as today, give or take a few percentage points. But when Jesus came into the world, He taught the truth on this moral subject and called people back to God’s original plan (Gen. 2:18-24). Societies influenced by Christianity became far better, but for the past 50 years the United States (and many other nations in the world) has been headed in the wrong direction—back to pagan practices.
Our culture’s rebellion against the ideals of marriage is nothing more than a reflection of its rejection of the Bible, which we have failed to honor. Although God and the Bible were well respected by our founding fathers, a concentrated effort, led by the ACLU, PAW, and other influential groups has all but removed any mention of God or the Bible from public view. Some of these groups do not mind us having freedom of religion if we hide it away and do not ever speak of it.
They have sought and succeeded in removing the Bible from the classroom, prayer from public schools, and God’s name invoked at a graduation speech or a football game. Some have objected to religious displays at various seasons of the year. One cannot mention the Bible as an authority in courtrooms. The Ten Commandments have been removed from courthouses. Christians know that Christmas is not a holiday authorized by God and that the Ten Commandments were part of a covenant that has been replaced by the New Testament of Jesus, but that is not the point. Many do not want any semblance of anything that pertains to Judeo-Christian values to be seen publicly. Many protested Mel Gibson’s The Passion of the Christ. One might have good reasons to protest Mel Gibson personally—but not for that great production.
Several things might help restore the Bible and Christianity to a place of respect. First, Christians must speak up in favor of the truth. Biblical evidences are essential; as long as people think that the Bible is an outmoded book of myths, it will do little good to cite passages from it. Why should people believe its message? Unfortunately, many religious figures who are thought to represent Christianity do not themselves believe its teachings. These people do great harm and huge disservice to the cause of Christ.
The Bible contains an accurate account of creation; it is not a collection of mythical stories. The prophecies recorded over several hundred years within it were fulfilled in Christ. Jesus is the Son of God, and He did die for our sins. If Christians cannot prove these things to be so, how can we expect anyone to desire to abide by God’s marriage pattern which He established at the beginning? Christians must be vocal in the public forum—and evangelistic.