Although the song with the above title was popular a number of years ago, it is still played on various radio stations. The subject, of course, concerns those who have been in love but are now alone after a failed romance, looking for “some kind of peace of mind.” Probably most people have been in that situation at one time or another and know the sorrow and the agony that accompany it.
But the concern of this article is not over those who are depressed over lost love (as heartbreaking as that is)–but over Christians who are suffering due to certain tragedies of life. Some of the circumstances that might be included are ones in which: 1) people are living in difficult situations; 2) someone has recently lost a loved one who was a faithful member of the church; or 3) someone lost a family member or friend who was not a faithful member of the church (or who had never obeyed the gospel).
Let’s consider the first category. Someone could be in a difficult marital situation. Suppose two people marry who are not eligible for marriage. Years later they are taught the gospel and realize that it is not lawful to have each other. They must forego the sexual benefits that pertain to God’s institution which they have enjoyed (illicitly) up to their learning the truth. They cannot return to their original mates, cannot enjoy each other, and cannot look for another. These have not lost a loved one due to death, but past indiscretions have put them in an unenviable position (“so near and yet so far away”). Although it is painful to become a eunuch for the kingdom’s sake, the rewards are great.
An equally difficult situation is a “loveless” marriage. Invariably, the uncooperative mate will refuse to go to counseling, refuse conjugal privileges as commanded by Paul in 1 Corinthians 7:1-5, yet be content to maintain the pleasant facade of years past to all their friends. One cannot exit this marriage because there is no unfaithfulness; certainly it qualifies as a situation for the broken-hearted.
For those who have lost loved ones (faithful to the Lord) there is comfort. The loss is real and must be grieved, but it is only a temporary separation. When one ponders the length of eternity, what are ten, twenty, or even fifty years of physical absence? No, it does not take away the hurt, but the facts of salvation and eternal life are a great comfort (1 Thess. 4:18).
The third category is much more intense because the loss is permanent, and there is no hope. What comfort can be offered to one who knows that a loved one died outside of the body of Christ without his/her sins having ever been forgiven? Read all of the books that deal with death and grief; try to find one that deals with this contingency–comforting someone who has eternally lost another. There are none.
Why not? Essentially, as a society, we have determined that no one is lost or condemned to an eternity in hell–despite what Jesus taught in Matthew 7:13-14. Even so-called “Christian” authors cannot bring themselves to think that God holds man accountable for his sins. They too pretend that God saves everyone, thus intensifying the problem.
Rather than helping people deal with the truth, we add to their state of denial and hold out false hope to them. “I know that mom (or dad, grandma, aunt Jane, brother, sister) never obeyed the gospel, but she was such a nice lady (so kind to all her friends), don’t you think she will be saved anyway?”
Now who wants to be the first to say, “No, you know good and well she is suffering in torment”? We know the truth (2 Thess. 1:7-9), but we cannot bring ourselves to accept it. Honesty and reality are shoved aside in favor of sentiment. Wishful thinking, however, does not change facts. Self-deception does not change the Word of God. The Bible is right, and despite how much it hurts to accept it, those who do not repent of their sins and submit to baptism for the remission of them are lost, having rejected Gods only plan for their redemption (Mark 16:15-16, Acts 2:38).
But for those who know the truth and are genuinely grieving over the permanent loss of loved ones, what becomes of the broken-hearted?
STEPS OF RECOVERY
There are two directions one will travel in the face of the various situations outlined above. One response is to blame God for whatever has happened (“Why did you do this to me?”) and fall away. The other is to be drawn closer to Him. The first alternative proves to be a very poor choice; the second may be attained (though it requires both time and effort).
Suppose a person blames God for a loved one’s condemnation. In a twisted sort of way he thinks, “I’ll show God. I’ll be lost, too, and then I’ll get to spend eternity with him after all.” How foolish. In the words of an old song (that few people have probably ever heard): “‘Cuz where you’re goin’ to, he won’t be thankin’ you.” In the first place, will anyone in torment be happy to have company? The selfish rich man pleaded with Abraham to let Lazarus warn his brothers (Luke 16:27-31). He most certainly did not want any loved ones to join him in such an awful place. A second problem with such a destructive action is that while you may see one loved again, you will have excluded from your fellowship all other faithful family members and brethren. What a foolish choice.
How can the broken-hearted ever hope to find peace of mind? Step one is to accept the facts of the matter. Although the natural reaction may be to deny the truth, only an acceptance of reality (things which cannot be changed) can possibly set one on the road to recovery. It will not lessen one’s misery; in fact, it will contribute to it, but in the long run it is healthier than denial. One should say to himself, “These are the facts of the matter; now where do I go from here?” And the answer is–to God.
The second step is to realize that God understands what each person is experiencing. He doesn’t just say He knows how a person feels; He knows how we feel. He is not willing that any should perish (2 Peter 3:9), and He has lost a lot of people that He loved to Satan and ultimately to hell. He rejoices not in that reality. “I have no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but that the wicked turn from his way and live” (Ezek. 33:11). For every lost soul that we personally grieve God has lost thousands more.
And what about Jesus? He was so willing to save mankind that He suffered the pain and humiliation of the cross. Can He possibly be happy when a soul departs from this life unsaved? For that individual His death did no good. Oh, how He wills that it would have, but He cannot will to be so what people have refused to do–obey the gospel. Each of us makes the eternal decision for ourselves. The one thing neither the Father nor the Son can do is violate our freedom of choice. But they understand our grief concerning eternal separation. “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble” (Ps. 46:1).
The third step is to realize that others who have gone before us have suffered in the same ways that we do. Have life’s circumstances been harsh? Consider Naomi. A famine drove her and her family off their land. They sojourned in Moab long enough for her two sons to marry, but then both of them and her husband died. Those are great losses for anyone to deal with. Naomi had a hard time recovering (even though the three men may have been faithful Jews when they died).
When she arrived in Bethlehem and people were excited to see her, she dampened the occasion by saying, “Do not call me Naomi; call me Mara, for the Almighty has dealt bitterly with me. I went out full, and the Lord has brought me home again empty” (Ruth 1:20-21). Naomi’s grief caused her to think irrationally (as it does most people).
First, the Almighty did not deal bitterly with her. He did not become bored one day in Heaven and say, “How can I afflict Naomi? She seems to be too happy.” Sure, it may seem that way to us, but it is Satan who afflicts, not God (Job 1-2, 2 Cor. 12:7). Second, God is for His people, not against them. So often we act as though God does not care, is indifferent toward us, or is downright elated when bad things happen to us. Peter wrote that Christians can cast their cares upon God, “for He cares for you” (1 Peter 5:7). Third, Naomi did not come back empty. There was this devoted daughter-in-law named Ruth who accompanied her. In a few short years Naomi would be a doting grandmother; she would be happy once again. God understood her grief; He did not hold her state of depression against her (though she was wrong), but even blessed her. Things are never as bad as they seem; God does not desert us.
(to be continued)